


Finding Faith

by CelesteSkyeHolmes



Category: SKAM (Norway), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Love, Other, Tragedy, Yousana AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2019-08-06 20:50:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16394861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteSkyeHolmes/pseuds/CelesteSkyeHolmes
Summary: "I know this is a terrible time to say it, but I can’t wait any longer."Sana begins to have a crisis of faith, and ends their relationship before Yousef can reveal why he went away to Turkey. Meanwhile, Noora and Vilde show up at her door, with terrible news of their own.OR: Sana's full story/a potential Season 5 of SKAM.





	1. In Sickness and in Health

**Author's Note:**

> The representation in SKAM has been something that is unparalleled in most media. I wanted to write this to commend the cast and crew for their project, to celebrate Sana's future, and to serve an accurate representation of her character. I hope you enjoy reading this, and let me know if you had any questions!

“I think my mother is dying,” Vilde said.

Noora was as surprised as Sana to hear this, as they had assumed that their friend’s mother was well. Vilde always seemed like the happiest girl in the group, who could talk about boys and parties for hours on end. They listened to their friend’s story, as she struggled with her circumstances.

“She’s been at home for over a year now, but I don’t think the medication is helping.”

As Vilde went on to describe her mother’s weakening body, Sana felt a pricking in her heart.  _ I have not been a good daughter, _ she thought. Hiding her relationship with Yousef, whatever it was, felt wrong. Her mother had trusted her judgement, to be a faithful Muslim, and she had betrayed her. 

Living in Norway had not been the challenge, she had grown up here. The drinking culture had never tempted her, and she knew her boundaries around her friends and peers. It was falling for her brother’s friend, a boy she thought was Muslim, who had turned out to be non-religious. She liked him, but what was she to do? She couldn’t marry him. 

Part of her was grateful that Yousef was in Turkey for the summer, so she wouldn’t have to sneak around on dates with him. She hated lying to her mother and hoped that his absence would allow her to find a solution that didn’t go against her religion. 

There were not that many Muslims she could talk to about her situation, and her friends would be unable to advocate from an Islamic perspective. She contemplated discussing it with Elias, but given his friendship with Yousef, it was likely that he would find a way to intervene. Instead, she decided that she would speak to her oldest brother, Mehmoud.

…

Once Vilde and Noora had left, she texted him on Whatsapp. While Sana’s bond with Elias had grown, her and Mehmoud had been close since her infancy. He had changed her diapers, and taught her to read. Despite their six-year age gap, he had supported her through everything. Naturally, when he had been accepted into the University of Oxford’s prestigious law program, Sana had been devastated. His marks had been extraordinary, it was not a question about competence, but the distance meant that they would be apart for a long time. It felt like years, rather than months, and they would no longer speak every day. 

So Sana was relieved when Mehmoud called.

“As-salāmuʿalaykum. How’s my favourite sister doing?” he teased.

“Waʿalaykum’us-salām,” she greeted in Arabic. “I’d be doing much better if you were here.”

“I could say the same, but we both know that’s not what you wanted to talk about.”

She sighed, knowing that while she could disguise her feelings from her parents, her brothers knew her too well.

“It’s just hard, you know, trying to practice when there isn’t really anyone you can talk to,” she said.

“You can always talk to me, Sana. I know mother doesn’t always understand what it’s like to be us, but we have each other.”

“We do,” she smiled. “Please don’t be mad when I say this-”

“Just say it, Sana.”

“I like a boy. And he likes me. But he’s not Muslim.”

Without a pause, Mehmoud asked, “It’s Yousef, isn’t it?”

“How did you-”

Sana wanted to punch Elias for telling him, but Mehmoud read her mind. 

“I’ve always known. He was different from the rest of the boys. I remember when he used to come with us to the Masjid, and then he stopped. It wasn’t my place to ask him, but even then, there was a maturity to him our brother never had. Yousef didn’t drink or talk about girls, and even mother said he was the most respectful of the group.”

“So Elias didn’t talk to you?”

“He may have mentioned it, but we both knew by then. You know, Sana, I think Yousef has liked you for a while. Remember when I visited during my winter break?”

“Yeah?”

“You were in your room when Elias and his friends were playing games. They got bored, and one of them had suggested going out. Yousef thought it was rude to leave when I was only visiting for a short time, so he stayed behind and talked to me. We didn’t talk about you, but every time you went to the kitchen or something, his eyes would immediately focus on you. And he looks at you a lot. It was like no matter what was happening, he would know exactly where to find you.”

“Aw, that’s cute. But what do I do?”

Mehmoud whistled, and Sana could tell that he was strumming his fingers against one of his textbooks in the background. There would be no easy answer. 

After a while, he finally interjected, “I don’t know, Sana. Yousef’s parents are Muslim, but you have to ask him why he doesn’t believe.”

“I already have.”

“And?”

“He said it was because one of his friends tried to kill himself.”

There was another pause before Mehmoud spoke. “I think we are all tested differently. It’s unfair to use one person’s struggle to justify your own circumstances.”

Sana agreed, “With suffering there is patience, and with pain there is also healing. The world is full of many things.”

“I suppose that’s part of your answer. You can pray, but you can’t convert him if he doesn’t want to believe in Islam.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

“Then there will be a better man for you, Insh’Allah.”

That seemed fair, but she wasn’t sure if she was willing to give up on Yousef quite yet. It wasn’t about his charm or looks - there was an energy between them, something she couldn’t explain, no matter how much chemistry she studied. What she felt around him was unlike anything she had felt in her life. 

It was the same energy that made her heart race, as her phone vibrated suddenly.

“Sana, are you okay?” Mehmoud asked.

She hardly knew, the message on her phone felt like déjà-vu. 

**Yousef Acar: Hey Sana, can I talk to you? There’s something I need to tell you.**


	2. To Love and to Cherish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know this is a terrible time to say it, but I can’t wait any longer. I haven’t even been gone for a week, and I know this is unfair, but-”
> 
> It's everything she wanted, but everything she cannot. He fills up the pieces she spent months trying to forget.

Sana had ended Mehmoud’s call with a heavy heart. He had repeatedly asked her if something was wrong, and all she could do was assure him that she would let him know in a few hours.

Yousef only phoned her during emergencies. That usually meant Elias had been in trouble. Despite their feelings for each other, he never burdened her with his own problems. Maybe it was because they had only grown close within the past year, into whatever their relationship was. Sana didn’t know, so with trembling hands, she responded and waited for his line to connect.

“Hello,” his voice echoed. It was as teasing as always, and he did not seem distressed.

“You wanted to talk to me?” she asked.

“Yes, is now a good time?”

 _It wasn’t_ , she wanted to say, but the desperation in his voice evoked an empathy in her.

“I called you, so I suppose I can’t say no, now can I?” she teased.

“Very funny,” he chuckled. “My cousins abandoned me at the mall an hour ago, and I’m still waiting for them to take me home.”

“So I’m supposed to amuse you now?” she toyed.

“No no, I have Elias for that.” He sighed before softly adding, “Actually, being here reminded me of you.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know, it’s just a feeling. All the holy places, the architecture, I think you’d like it.”

He wasn’t wrong. Istanbul was known for its history and design, and even Noora had suggested taking a girl’s trip there. Although it had partly been because of Yousef, the pictures he had sent did look beautiful.

“We’ll see,” Sana finally mused.

“Nei, I’m taking you to Hagia Sophia, remember?”

It was a joke, something he had mentioned before, but she wanted to ask him what he meant. Noora had insisted that there was nothing between her and Yousef, but Sana had never been able to hear his side of the story. Before he left, they had been on one “date”, which consisted of them prancing around the waterfront and talking about the universe. Things were comfortable, and that was great, but there were so many questions she had. Where were they, and what were they doing? She couldn’t marry a non-religious man, he knew that, didn’t he?

Sensing her silence, Yousef interrupted her thoughts. “Sana? It’s fine if you don’t want to go, it was only a suggestion.”

“Uh no, it’s okay. I was just thinking, that’s all,” she hesitated.

He paused before responding, “I know this is a terrible time to say it, but I can’t wait any longer. I haven’t even been gone for a week, and I know this is unfair, but-”

“Just say it, Yousef.”

“Sana, I like you. I was going to tell you that day when I walked you home from Noora’s, or when we played basketball. Or even on our first date. I guess I’m just not as brave as you, but you deserve to know.”

“Aww.”

“Don’t aww me, it makes me nervous.”

“Why? I already knew.”

“Wait, how?”

“Noora told me. I tried telling you this before you left, but you didn’t hear me. Anyway, it doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?”

 _Because you’re not Muslim_ , Sana thought. Instead, she said, “Because I need to hear it from you.”

“If you insist. I’ve liked you for a while now. Before I taught you how to peel carrots, even. You’ve always been responsible, and taken care of Elias. That definitely made my job easier.”

“Your job?”

“Looking after Elias. He’s a handful, you know.”

She nodded, recalling the time he had gotten into a fight with Isak, her best friend.

“Anyway,” Yousef continued. “I like that I can talk to you, and trust you. You’re independent and strong, and could easily take over the world if you weren’t so interested in biology.”

They both laughed.

“And all these things make you even more beautiful to me. I don’t want to get too cheesy, but I just needed to tell you that.”

There was a murmur in her heart as she spoke, “Thank you. That’s the first time anyone has said that about me.”

“It’s the first time I’ve said that to anyone.”

A moment of relief flooded both of them, before the axe began to draw.

“What does this mean?” Sana asked.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I thought we were going to start a basketball team with our twelve children.”

“Two children,” she corrected him.

“Okay, two.”

“So we’re getting married then?”

“Are you proposing to me?”

“No, you were the one who brought up having children.”

“But you agreed.”

Sana wanted to tear her heart out. Here he was, being endearing and sentimental, and all she could think about was the fact that Yousef was an atheist.

“You agreed, didn’t you?” he repeated.

 _Yes_ , she wanted to say. _Of course we’ll have children together._

But Sana was raised to speak the truth, no matter what. No matter when. No matter how.

So instead, she blurted, “I just said two children.”

“Whose children?” he asked.

“Mine.”

“What about us?” His voice broke. “Are you rejecting me, Sana?”

Consciously, she wasn’t. It was never about twelve children for her. But it was about religion, and there was no marriage and no kids without it. Shudders passed through her body, as she imagined a future without Yousef. The wonderful boy who was a friend to her entire family. Who had witnessed the worst of Elias. He didn’t just like her, he wanted to marry her.

And of course she didn’t need to say anything. The call dropped, and there was Yousef, lost in the abyss of her mind. Gone forever.


	3. From This Day Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why Yousef really came to Turkey, and how Sana takes it.

Before Sana could answer him, his cousin intercepted their call.

“Hello? Bro, who are you talking to?” he asked in Turkish.

Yousef looked around the mall, and noticed his cousins waving to him. He shook his head, turned off his phone, and walked towards them. 

“Well?” his cousin asked, as Yousef joined the group. 

“Just a friend from Norway,” he shrugged. 

They exchanged looks between each other, knowing that Yousef hated when people called him, but dropped the subject. Instead, they walked to the beaches. A tri-coloured cat approached them, and Yousef stroked her fur while his cousins took pictures of him. They continued to sightsee until the sun began to set. 

It was almost Maghrib time, and the unspoken rule was to go to the mosque if they were unable to pray at home. Normally with Elias and the Balloon Squad, this was the point where Yousef would leave the group. But that was before Sana.

_ She loved Islam, and with every conversation they had, he had began to wonder why he left the religion. He had so many questions he couldn’t ask her. Sana was friends with Even, and what he knew could change that. And he couldn’t destroy whatever they had. _

_ Sometimes he felt responsible for what had happened to Even - how they could’ve all been friends still. If only he had been a better friend. _

_ In the name of pain, there were a lot of things he had done to protect himself. But mostly, he had just run. From everything he knew. Now he was back, trying to find himself. Finding his faith. _

Being back in Turkey reminded him of the life he left behind after Even’s suicide attempt. The image of his friend had permeated his mind for months, as he grappled with his beliefs. It had been over a year since he last prayed, but he didn’t have the heart to tell his family that. Not because he felt ashamed, but because he didn’t know why. There was no clear explanation, just a bridge between who he had been and who he was now. 

So he felt inclined to follow his cousins, to try to understand their relationship with God. And it made him wonder if he could find what he had lost. 

The mosques in Turkey had a history to them that left him mesmerised, and he pondered over how much effort it had taken to finish each building. Walls were engraved with patterns and calligraphy, as the prayer calling echoed through them. 

But it had still been difficult. Yousef struggled to concentrate on the Imam’s words, as he lead the prayer. While he remembered the Arabic verses, he struggled to keep track of the prayer times. Sometimes it felt like his aunts and uncles judged him, but they never said anything. His parents had never seemed to notice if he practiced the religion, but his family in Turkey were consistent. They openly discussed topics in Islam together, and were very forward-thinking. He liked to listen to them, but never knew what to say when they asked for his perspective. Oh how he wished that Sana was with him sometimes, to guide him.

His thoughts returned to the present, as his forehead touched his prayer rug. Maybe this is what muscle memory was like, that despite one’s doubts, the body never forgot that which it had practiced so rigorously.

Perhaps tomorrow he would share this with Sana, but today was his alone.

...

After apologising to Sana a dozen times, she agreed to explain what she had meant. That didn’t ease his poor heart, remembering the countless times she had already rejected him.

“What about Islam?” she asked, when he called her the next day.

“What do you mean?” he responded.

“You’re not Muslim, Yousef. I can’t marry a non-religious man.”

“What about Stephen Curry?” he joked.

“That wasn’t serious. You know the implications of that sort of thing,” she replied dryly. 

He paused. This was the moment, he  _ had  _ to tell her.

“Did I ever tell you why I came to Turkey?” he began.

“No, but what does that have to do with-”

“Let me rephrase that. Do you think people are lost if they don’t believe in God?”

“No, I think different people need different things to feel complete.”

“Do you think I’m broken because of my faith?”

“Um-”

“Because I am, Sana. I used to pray, I used to feel something - and you reminded me of that. And Turkey - it’s so full of life. I came back for that.”

Sana was silent for a while, and his heart raced.

“But you’re not Muslim,” she said. 

“No,” he replied. “I don’t feel what you feel, remember?”

“But you used to?”

“Yeah.”

She sighed, “Look Yousef, I can’t do this. A good man would not make me choose between him and Islam. And I’m tired of lying to mama.”

“But-”

“This isn’t healthy for me. You used to feel something when you prayed, then one day you stopped. How do I know you won’t feel that way about me too?”

He wanted to say that he knew what he felt with her was real because they were soulmates, but what if Sana didn’t believe in that kind of fate? There was a moment where he could just hear her breathing, before she hung up on him. When he tried to text her, he couldn’t - she had blocked his number.

Instead he called Noora, and they both died a little inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this gives a bit more perspective on Yousef's motives, please let me know what you think or would like to see!  
> Up Next: Noora and Yousef both have news that will change Sana's life.


	4. For Better For Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is quite the same after Sana breaks up with Yousef. Worlds fall apart, existential crises and all. Meanwhile, Elias wastes no time with confronting his sister's ex-boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Note: I rewrote this chapter because the previous version didn't fit the narrative, my apologies for the confusion. Thank you for your patience and kind words on this work, you all are a reminder of the goodness in this world. Alas, here it is - with more on it's way. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please let me know your thoughts!

Within minutes, she was gone. It was as if their years of stolen glances and discreet games had meant nothing. Sana erased him with such ease that he felt like a fool for thinking that he ever stood a chance.

So instead, Yousef strolled through Istanbul. He took trains across the city, and insisted on being alone. It was the monotony of the waves that crashed against the seashore, that reminded him of Norway. Even the chirping of the birds seemed to cure some of his homesickness, as he felt a resemblance to nature.

Watching the harmony of the ecosystems caused him to ponder about the universe. _How is it that when God created the animals, that the world remained peaceful, but when He created humans, it became so destructive? How are there billions of people in the world, and yet each of them feel so alone? Even when people live together in large groups, they only seem to divide themselves consistently._ Yousef couldn’t grasp the logic in polarity, it served no purpose.

Sometimes his questions came from what had happened to Even, but increasingly, his thoughts traced back to Sana. The irony of their situation did not escape him, but the timing was frustrating nonetheless. Yousef felt helpless because had been drawn to Sana for years. He saw her in the face of every woman he met, as she was imprinted in his mind. Love was such a complicated word, and he knew it was too soon, but if she gave him the chance - there was so much he would do.

There were moments, inside Mosques and outside houses, that Yousef swore he felt a flickering of God’s oneness. But it was muddled between the confusion of his relationship. Why would God take Sana away from him, when she was the best Muslim he knew? She was the only one he had ever been able to talk to about these things, and considered substituting her responses with one of the alley cats.

That was not to say that Yousef completely isolated himself. The _Hei Briskeby_ boys would tease him about their latest videos, and Elias had become even friendlier since he started dating Sana. Yousef, still unable to comprehend his own situation, didn’t have the heart to tell Elias about the breakup.

…

Noora had become a good friend, and one who didn’t hesitate to call him. However, lately their conversations had become quite distressing.

A few days had passed, and Yousef became concerned. The next time he heard from Noora, her voice quivered on the phone. She must have been shaking, as something moved against the speakers. He knew that things had been difficult with her and William, but when he asked her what was wrong, she immediately grew quiet. There was sobbing on the line, and soon her troubles silenced him.

The more he learnt about Noora’s journey, the more guilty he felt about his own inefficiencies. She had left an entire family behind, permanently, to live abroad. And while struggling on her own, her burdens were encumbered by an exhaustive relationship. Noora had confronted him a strong woman, and he missed seeing that side of her.

“I think he left me,” she finally whispered.

Yousef didn’t know how to respond, and simply asked, “What happened?”

“I woke up one morning and William wasn’t there. First, he said he was in London. Then he went to France. I’m not sure where he is now, but I haven’t heard from him in two days.”

This wasn’t unlike William, their relationship was as volatile as it was unpredictable.

“Did he say why he went away?”

“No.”

“Maybe it’s urgent?”

“Maybe, but I’m so tired of doing this, Yousef. Nothing can make him happy.”

“Then why do you keep trying anything?”

“I don’t know.”

He heard her breathing relax, before changing the topic.

“You didn’t have to do this, you know,” she said eventually.

There was a hesitation in her voice, lingering at the end of her sentence.

“No,” he agreed. “But you’re lucky that I’m such a wonderful friend, spending all my free time listening to your problems.”

He heard her laughing for the first time during their conversation.

“What is it with men and their fragile egos?” she joked. “Always complimenting themselves the moment the attention isn’t on them.”

“I think any man would be honoured that you, Noora Amalie Sætre, noticed him. Just take it as a compliment.”

“Aw, Yousef! Thank you. Now tell me all about Turkey.”

He described the air as rich, filled with the aroma of freshly-baked bread and coastal food. The streets were narrow, but the houses looked like a children’s colouring book. And the sea felt like it connected with the world’s meridians -  with a vividness and veracity that never ceased to amaze him.

“But none of that,” he said, “compares to what I found is the mosques.”

“And what’s that?”

“I think I’ve found God again.”

…

Once Noora overcame the initial shock, she calmly responded, “Yousef, that’s amazing. Sana must be so happy.”

The mention of that name, _her_ name, echoed through his body. He’d held out for her for so long, it was too embarrassing to say. He debated telling Noora about their break up, but ultimately decided against it. This was not the same Noora, he reminded himself, who had become his self-appointed therapist. Sometimes even the kindest people needed a break from saving everyone else. She needed that more than him.

Instead he said, “No, I haven’t talked to her. How is she doing?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this happy. We had a party at her house yesterday, and she made all the food herself.”

He let out an incredulous gasp, and Noora tittered. Months ago, he had delighted in watching Sana miserably peel carrots. At some point, she had even vowed to never cook. Yousef was secretly very proud of her progress.

“She’s been acting differently,” Noora acknowledged. “But it’s nice, you know?”

Yousef hummed, trying to ignore the sensations of his heart compressing. He was relieved when Noora remembered that she needed to buy some groceries.

“I’ll talk to you later,” she told him.

He agreed, with perfect indifference.

_… A Few Nights Later …_

It was sometime in the middle of the night, that Yousef was rudely awoken by the ringing of his phone application. Once he was certain that everyone in the home was asleep, he responded to the call.

“Bro, are you okay?” a familiar voice asked.

_Of course Elias would check up on him at this hour._

Grumbling and confused, Yousef told him to call at another time.

“Sorry, I forgot you sleep so early now,” Elias said. “It’s just that Sana’s been acting really strange, and she’s only ever like that because something happened at school or with you.”

“What are you talking about?” Yousef asked. “Noora said she was fine.”

His intonation raised, “You talked to Noora? You better not be trying to hook up with her again.”

“Chill, she just called me for some advice.”

“Why? Is she okay?”

“I don’t know, maybe you should ask her. Anyway, what were you saying about Sana?”

“It’s just so weird, bro. She’s been going to a ton of parties, and mama and I almost never see her. She gets really jumpy whenever I ask her how she’s doing, and starts talking about medical school. We didn’t fight or anything, but there’s something going on. What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything,” Yousef said.

“Yousef, we’ve been friends for over ten years. Don’t you dare lie to me.”

“Don’t get angry, but-”

“If this is about Noora, I’m going to punch you in the face the moment you land in Oslo.”

“It’s not about that. Um, Sana broke up with me.”

“What?”

“She said that she can’t be with me because she can’t marry a non-religious man.”

“Marriage? Who said anything about marriage?”

“Um…”

“Yousef Acar, did you propose to my little sister?”

“I didn’t, but we were talking about being together long-term, and it kind of came up.”

“Long-term? You guys barely dated for a week. And how on earth does marriage just ‘come up’ in any conversation?”

“Three weeks,” he corrected Elias. “We were together for three weeks. And we were talking about kids, because-”

“Kids? Are you insane? She’s not even eighteen.”

“I wasn’t asking her to give me anything right now. We were just talking about the future, and what she wanted.”

“Don’t you dare touch her again.”

“Kind of hard to do when she hates me.”

“She might not hate you, but I do.”

“Thanks, that makes this so much better.”

Elias waited before asking, “Why did she break up with you?”

“It was just that, the religion thing.”

“No, that can’t be it. I already talked to her about that.”

“She did mention that she was tired of lying to your mother-”

“What did you make her say?”

“Nothing, Elias. I guess she hasn’t talked to Mama Bakkoush about me.”

“I don’t blame her. But do you have any idea how many people it took to bring you guys together? And you couldn’t even stay together for a month?”

“Elias, I know. I’ve liked her for a long time too. Believe it or not, I’ve actually started going to the Mosque here. I am working on everything that happened after Even.”

Elias was quiet for a moment, “Bro, why didn’t you tell me that sooner? Does Sana know?”

“No, I didn’t get to tell her.”

“Does she know about Even?”

“No, but please don’t say anything.”

“Okay, but I’ll tell her that you’re trying. She needs to know that much.”

He thanked him, and Elias added, “Hey Yousef?”

“Yeah?”

“We miss you.”


	5. For Richer For Poorer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The iconic duo and crack ship that no one asked for - unexpected visitor comes knocking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay, this chapter has taken many drafts. I'm also rewriting season 4 of SKAM France here, as a different narrative of Sana's story, so be sure to expect some drama and angst. Thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think!

Sana lay in bed, engrossed by a 1979 Moroccan cookbook she had found in her home. It listed some of the more classic dishes she had been yearning to try, but her focus shifted away from the images of fresh coriander and turmeric.

 _Yousef may be in Turkey_ , she thought, _but he never completely left Norway_.

The city was littered with memories of him - from the trails they had walked across to the fresh lupins he had picked out from a field for her one evening. She had spent weeks trying to bury their relationship, with various distractions, but to no avail. Nothing could make her forget the handsome Turkish boy who loved to play basketball and dance to _Daft Punk_.

Flashbacks of their date at the harbour still rang through her mind as she turned the pages. Sana tried to focus on the instructions, to study the ingredients, but her mind returned to him. It flooded with messages she had memorised from him.

There had been the sacrifices he was willing to make for her Russ bus venture, when she joked about giving up her brother’s organs.

 _But if that bus is so important to you, I can sell my kidneys,_ Yousef had said.

_Anything for you girl._

And when she teased him about wanting to marry a non-religious man, he worried.

_I can’t sleep...I’m just thinking about you getting together with Stephen Curry this summer. Please don’t do that._

Following her faith was challenging sometimes when she was around her friends, but it was nothing compared to giving up Yousef.

She had liked him for many years, and did not know how to overcome her emotions.

Being reminded of him was impossible when Elias would remark at how wonderful it was that his little sister was dating his best friend. Or when the boys would occasionally mention his name in their videos.

But one day they stopped.

Sana didn’t know why, but it was enough to suspect that they knew. Perhaps Yousef had told them about their break up, or maybe Elias found out. Either way, she was pleased that they pretended that nothing happened.

At least until that afternoon.

...

He stood in the doorway and smiled, resting his left arm against the frame. “You could have asked me if you wanted to make some _Chebakia_.”

Even was referring to the traditional recipe book in her hands, that she closely followed these days. He had sampled some of her food, and while it was exceptional, he was still concerned. This was her first break up, and he knew that Sana was hurting.

Maybe it was because her gaze was always fleeting when she was hiding something, or because she became avoidant when she was in pain.

He still remembered when they were younger, the boys had taken her to the park. Elias had been pushing her in a swing when she fell off and scraped her knees. She refused to go home until Elias promised not to tell their parents what had happened. Even had tended to Sana himself, making sure that she would be alright.

Her bravery had not wavered over the years, but she was startled by his entrance. Frantically, she patted the shower towel that was wrapped around her head to ensure that her hair was fully covered.

After taking a moment to compose herself, she sighed.

“You boys are here so often that I can’t even breathe without my scarf.”

Even laughed, “How about I make it easier and just marry you?”

Sana smirked, “What about Isak?”

“He’ll be okay. I hear he’s set his eyes on a hottie from his biology class anyway.”

They shared a smile, knowing that Sana was the only person Isak had talked to in biology.

Even and Isak had created a pact in which they both jokingly agreed that Sana was on their _freebie list_. However, they would flirt with her for flattery, and so she didn’t feel left out about being single. They also knew that being surrounded by her friends’ committed relationships would not help her get over Yousef.

“Your parents still work on the weekends,” Even noticed.

“Someone had to compensate for Elias,” she mused. “Were you looking for him?”

“No,” he said. “I came for you.”

“Without bringing Isak?”

“I missed you, Sana. It’s been a long time since we’ve really been together.”

This was true. While Sana visited Isak often, she never got to spend much time with Even alone. It was nothing like before anyway, from their childhood to his Bakka days. They used to stay up late, watching movies and playing board games together. When Even left the Balloon Squad, Sana didn’t know what to do, or what to say. Things had become too uncomfortable within the group, so she stopped talking to him.

Thankfully the boys reconciled, and her friendship with Isak allowed Even to creep back into her life, ever so closely.

Close enough that Sana pursed her lips at him, and against all reservation, she arose from her bed to greet him.

“The girls are going to be coming over this evening,” she said, walking towards him. “Would you like to continue this while I cook?”

“I have a better idea,” he said before she shooed him out of her room to put on her hijab. “I’ll see you in the kitchen.”

…

Even had been craving Moroccan pastries, but Sana shook her head.

“It’s dinner, I need to make some _real_ food. Besides, mama doesn’t share her Chebakia recipe with anyone.”

“Not even with you?” he asked incredulously.

She shrugged, “I never asked for it. But if Mehmoud doesn’t know it, no one does. Besides, it wasn’t listed in the cookbook.”

“I'll talk to her,” he said, sardonically. “What would you like to make today?”

“ _Rfissa_ with pappardelle, topped with a vegetable sauce.”

He raised his eyebrows, “And when do your guests arrive?”

“In 76 minutes.”

“There’s not enough time to prep the chicken,” Even said. “How about you boil some rice and then add chickpeas? I can compliment it with _harira_.”  

To his surprise, Sana agreed, and they began to work.

Around the halfway point, Elias walked in.

“I hope I’m not interrupting,” he laughed. “But your friend is here.”

…

“That was strange,” Noora said to Elias, after Sana asked them to leave the kitchen. “Has she talked to anyone?”

“Not as far as I know,” he replied.

“So she still doesn’t know?”

“Wait, know what?”

Noora waited for them to sit down in the living room before answering.

“That Yousef wants to be a Muslim again.”

…

Elias took a moment to process Noora’s sentence.

“Wait, are you serious right now?” he asked.

“Yes!” she laughed, teasing his wrist. “Didn’t you know?”

Elias smiled at her touch, intrigued. “I mean he said he was going to the Mosque, but I didn’t think much of it. When did you two get so close?”

Noora pondered, “Since he told me he loved Sana, after the karaoke party. You have no idea how hard we tried to put those two together.”

He raised his eyebrows, “You're kidding, right? I put up with Sana more than any one.”

Noora extended her hand to him, “Let’s call it even then, since I’ve been the one putting up with Yousef all summer.”

They shook hands and concocted a plan, as Even tried to play detective in the kitchen.

…

“I thought you hated cooking,” Even said. “What changed?”

He stood beside Sana, adding spices to the pot of chickpeas.

She paused, “I guess I decided that it was finally time to start behaving like an adult,”

“You don’t have to know how to cook to be an adult, Sana.”

His voice was soft, and it drew her attention.

“Then what am I missing?” she asked. “That makes everything so hard? What am I doing wrong?”

Her voice trembled with each question, and once he carefully turned off the stove, Even allowed her to rest her head against him.

“The only thing you’ve done wrong,” he said, “is not give yourself enough credit. It’s okay to ask for help, you know. We’re all here for you.”

As he said this, she noticed that their friends had gathered around the kitchen.

“It’s true,” Elias said. The others nodded in agreement.

Once Vilde had set the table, and Chris had served the food, they all sat down and listened to Sana’s story.

“I think it’s time to find you a new man,” Eva suggested, once she had finished her meal.

Noora and Elias smiled at one another, as Chris listed a few dozen options.

**Author's Note:**

> In the dark times, I hope this serves as faith against xenophobia. For the struggles ahead, may we shine like Sana against adversity. Thank you for reading, please give this a kudos if you enjoyed it, and let me know what you think!
> 
> Don't be a stranger, come say hello on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/ifrahholmes/)!


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